Beatrice, the one.

Sigh, where do I possibly begin to start explaining the wonderful girl that is Beatrice. Okay, we’ll start with the very beginnings then. So, it all began July 30th 7:38 AM. I wake up that morning, and think to myself how the day will go. I’ll wake up, post a crappy, lame ass glitter comment on Tanya’s Tagworld page, and the rest of the day would go through as every other boring day did. So I plop down in my seat, and assume command of my computer to start yet another day, and I go through my routine. My email counter says I have new mail, so I check it out. To my surprise, I see that Beatrice had sent me a note on Espinthebottle, now I didn’t see her picture in the Email, it only told me, so I went to the link in the email, and saw her profile and her picture. I was instantly captivated. Instantly. Never before had I seen such unreal, and unique beauty. It wasn’t necessarily a purely sexual attraction, although for some odd reason she did turn me on instantly, though. She had many other things in her profile that had me from day one. Firstly, she likes Rammstein, great great band. Any girl who likes them is worth even giving a chance, regardless of anything else.

Secondly, her profile and her punctuation, correct grammar, etc. Gave me the impression that she was very smart. And she is, she’s extremely mature for her age and very intelligent. Now, naturally, there wasn’t much thinking to be done in the acceptance of this letter. She was white, she lived in New York City (that part fascinated me the most, because if she lives in the City, then she’s rich.) and she was beautiful. So, of course. I accept the letter quickly, and soon enough she sends her own letter to me, and we begin to trade off emails. We literally hit it off right away, and it’s almost as if she was meant to come only a few days before my breakup, and come to me real easily. Now, normally…knowing my good ol’paranoid self. I’d be questioning her motives as to why she wants me so badly, but I can feel her genuine love for me, I can tell this isn’t just some slut. She’s too smart, and her values are exactly like mine. So after trading off emails for a bit, we begin our little talks on AIM, this is where the fun begins.

Our conversations on AIM, have been phenomenal, and continue to be to this day. They are so packed with romance, and laughs, and just overall love-that it makes me feel almost bad about ever getting into a relationship with Tanya. But I know, and I understand that certain people operate on different levels, and have more knowledge in different fields. So whatever. Some of the conversations though, are just plain awesome. I can’t even begin to explain how Beatrice nearly steals every word I’m thinking about, right out of my mouth. I really do understand the saying “my other half” now. I thought I had with Tanya, but I was a fool. It was my first time with love, I had no idea what the hell I was saying, so that whole relationship doesn’t even count. Aside from the fact we never got to consummate it anyway. So yeah, Beatrice is just a real shock to me in every way. She just knows how to please me, and we can have honest, open, and very interesting conversations. But I won’t lie. Her sending me topless pictures, helped alot. But in no way, am I basing my love for her around topless pictures. Everything she says, and every picture I see of her, makes her grow on me more and more. She’s taken my entire heart by surprise, and grabbed it for herself, but honestly…I’m glad she did.

My heart needed someone who could help me in life, not someone who would make me dwell on how terrible a relationship was due to ridiculous amounts of distance between us. I didn’t need that. So I guess in a way Beatrice is just every prayer answered. An open minded, intellectual, romantic, horny white chick from Manhattan. Excellent, very good. Everything I could possibly fathom in this mind of mine, has been answered in the form of her. She fulfills every damn need in a woman I’ve ever had. Not just a few, all of them. But, actually. I never thought it possible for me to get my dream girl. Never. Much less a white one. This is my first pure white girl in a very, very long time. And boy, something tells me she’s going to be my first. Definitely going to cover my first act of sexual intercourse once it’s time to cross that bridge. Okay, so basically-I’m totally infatuated with Beatrice. I’m in love with her on a level I’ve never thought possible. I’m in love with her for every reason possible. She just really completes me, and she is my dream girl. So, I love her with all my heart. I’ll keep writing updates as our relationship progresses.

My first encounter with love…

Or so I really thought-foolish I was, but I didn’t know any better at the time. I guess it was all for the best though, so I really have nothing to complain, or be angry about. Okay, so this is the deal. Back in the month of May, May 9th or somesuch, a girl named Tanya had sent me a note on Espinthebottle, now…after some careful thought, I returned her note, with a positive answer. And so begins the first chapter in my life as a love struck teenager. After a few days of conversation, we “Fall in love” whatever the hell that means to two people who weren’t even able to see each other. Okay, so for the next few weeks, up until only last week I think-just envision the most mundane, boring, and pointless conversations between us, and me listening to soft rock, thinking I was totally in love, and planning my future with her, and all of that bull crap. So, yeah, that’s all sweet and nice, until you hear the fact that we did jack shit in those two months we knew each other because she lives in the next freakin’ state. So yeah, we did nothing. We told each other we loved each other, never really talked over the phone, and the interesting conversations were limited to very few.

Okay, so maybe it was foolish of me to even enter into the relationship, seeing as I couldn’t actually do anything to see her and satisfy her needs. But that’s not the point, I’m freakin’ glad everything worked out the way it did, because had it not…I wouldn’t have met Beatrice (That gal is special enough for her own entry, stay tuned.) But, whatever, that’s not the point. Okay, so there I was, thinking I was totally in love. But was I really? No. Now that I look back at it, I was in denial. In total denial. I was telling myself I was, and I was telling myself that everything was perfect, but now that I feel what happiness and love is really like…I can see what I was doing to myself those last few weeks. I was telling myself over and over, that someday Tanya and I would kiss, and all that good stuff, but you know what…again, I’m happy about how everything works out. Turns out, I get to kill two birds with one stone of my fantasy of a white girl, and a place in Manhattan. She’s white, and she lives in Manhattan, and to top it off, she wears those sexy ass glasses. Okay, enough about her, not yet. She’s too special to clump into this one.

So…come last week, Tanya gets back from her little excursion to Hershey Park. Now, the whole time she was away, I was being a total bastard and sending out letters like crazy to girls on Espinthebottle.com, in the hopes of at least one or two getting back to me. Turns out, again-fate has it’s odd ways of working out and instead of any of the ones I sent out getting returned, Beatrice sends a note to me on her own, and I obviously accept. Again, that’s another story. Tanya gets back, as I said before and she writes me this breakup letter. I respond with my own breakup letter, yay, everyone is friends and we can still talk. Now, clearly, this got me freakin’ paranoid. In the novel I wrote years ago, I included a character named Tanya, she looked very close to the Tanya I was “In love” with…then, she also gets killed off in the middle of the story after the bridge the train is going over, gets destroyed by a helicopter pursuing us (Evil corporation, zombies, lest you need more information?) So yeah, bridge collapses, she dies. The white girl character, rich white, pretty white girl named Karen, falls in love with me. Wishful thinking yeah? Heart throb me? Nah. Okay, so here’s the part that freaks me out. Just the other day, that bridge collapsed. On the day she sends the breakup letter, the bridge in Minneapolis collapses, and Beatrice came into my life shortly before that.

I’m a paranoid freak sometimes, and that coinkeedink was too big for me to take sitting down. I still don’t think I’m in a concious state, some of the things that have happened to me have been so ethereal. So, end of the relationship between me and Tanya, I haven’t talked to her since, not like there’s anything to say. My biggest problem with my first relationship, is the fact that I had thought I was in total love. When in comparison to the conversations I’ve had with Beatrice already, it makes my first relationship feel as if it were one from Kindergarten. But honestly, I believe everyone has a personal match. Tanya was close, but no cigar, it’s nothing personal. Beatrice just turns me on in so many ways and-wait, you’re trying to get me to spill the beans on Beatrice in THIS post…Well, Tanya and I failed to hold together the relationship, but in the end I’m glad that’s as far as it went. She gave me just enough practice, and then left just like that. My virginity is still intact, and saved up for Beatrice. Alright, onto Beatrice now, I’m sick of writing about that relationship with Tanya already, just reminds me of all the boring conversations (or lack of conversation) we had together.