Facebook sucks.

I love Facebook. (Unfortunately too many hurtful events occurred on there for me to truly love it as much as I did, but who knows, it may be my savior one day.) But Facebook has one major flaw. This fucking “People You May Know” feature. Now, I might just be stupid, and not know how to remove it, or at the very least stop it from showing certain pictures…but I think I’ve done a pretty effective job of removing all traces of my ex from my life, and now here comes Facebook, and boom, right on my homepage, under that little section of “People You May Know” is my ex’s face, staring right at me. Now, I don’t necessarily hate her so much I never want to see her face again, but I certainly don’t want to think about all the damn memories that I associate with that face, as of currently. In fact, probably not in a good five years or so, will I truly be able to face her picture.

Her picture that is. I may never be able to ever even stand face to face with her. I’m not scared, nor do I feel bad about anything. It’s just, I honestly don’t want to think about this whole thing again, in any amount of time. Even when I’m older. I know that mature adults continue talking to their ex’s and may even start dating them again, but I don’t believe that’s possible with me and my ex. It’s just a really sour taste that’s been left in my mouth, and I don’t want to think about it anymore. I mean for God’s sake, I can’t even eat Swedish Fish anymore, and got totally pissed at my dad for offering me some recently. Whatever…I don’t know. She said “maybe in 10 years you could stop by and see me” or something like that. But I don’t know what makes her think I’d want to see her after the entire male populace of her friend’s list on Facebook has been with her, or even if thats not the case…see her when I’m probably happily married or dating seriously and in love most likely, but I certainly wouldn’t want to relive the first true pain I’ve felt in my life. It was short, but it was the most hurtful pain I’ve ever felt, in my life. I mean, not unless I ran into her by accident like some horrible sitcom or something, God please don’t let that happen, especially not in a pizza store. That’d just be terrible.

Seems I’m fine again.

It does seem to me that everything has become somewhat normal again for me. I’ve pretty much stopped thinking about the whole thing and my ex in general, and really I only suffer minor setbacks in the form of memories and things that remind me. But it’s not so much reminding me of the pain of losing her. I’m done with that, it’s mostly the pain of remembering the reasons I fell in love with her for. All the little things. Seems the smaller and more subtle they are, the more it hurts me to think about it. But I’m moving on, and so does life. Seems the second she left my life things got better in school. Got a 92 on my Math quiz. Probably the best score in math in a long time. And I’ve actually been helping my classmates out and participating. Odd how life works out.

I guess I’m without distractions now, that’s all. I would like to start dating again. Although I can’t even think right now about any possibilities. I’ll probably just think about that later on down the line. Probably best if I focus on my life and school right now. I guess my problem and fault lies in me being too damn mature for my age. I know one thing, any respectable woman is going to love me in my twenties. Any woman that wants to marry and have a family, and whatnot. I mean, the only reason I make life so difficult for myself is because I’m too friggin’ mature for my own age. I’m a twenty something stuck in a sixteen year old. I guess I oughta just take things lightly from now on. I mean, not expect anything on the frontline of love and romance. I honestly cannot wait for my life to start.

And by “life to start” I mean, becoming eighteen, and moving to the city and going to school there. Whether its at John Jay, or Marymount…(God damn, hopefully Marymount though…I really want that college.) And why can’t I wait for my journeys and adventures in the city to begin? Well, obviously because it’s the big city. Suddenly you have all these opportunities to do so many things, and meet so many people. The thought alone is exhilarating to me. Especially dating. And especially with how easy connecting and finding people is with the internet. Go Match.com! Definitely going to be a pretty active dater. Or a “co-dependent” weakling as Chris Crocker would put it.

Sure…I’m weak because I want someone to share my love with and be loved by. Right. Moving on, I do hope I can find someone in a timely manner upon starting my adventures in Manhattan. The sooner the better, but it’s no rush. I certainly expect nothing for a long time though. God only knows I’ll be able to get a date as of now…I certainly don’t think I will. But if I do, that’s nice. Won’t make any big hootin’ and hollerin’ about it though, before it comes up in seven or so months and bites me in the ass like some sort of bear trap lying in wait for your foot. Well, I guess everything is back to normal. If the word “normal” could be used to sum up the after effects of such a situation I suppose. I don’t think anything will truly be normal again. Not for a long time maybe. But I’m definitely over the whole thing already, and couldn’t be happier. Thank you everybody for helping me, and also God. Thank God for this opportunity to regain focus in life, and thank you for getting me through this rough time.