Forgiveness and Recovery.

Perhaps one of the things I learned from my life experiences, it’s to be forgiving…yet not forgetful. However, don’t be forgetful, but don’t be clinging to a vendetta for the rest of your life. I’ve learned to manage my rage, love myself, and so much more in the past few months. I’ve learned so much, and gained so much faith that I’ve become a better person all in all. And I’d like to start out by correcting some of the anger filled things I said.

Firstly, I would like to apologize to my Ex, for saying that I’d never want to see her again. If it makes any difference, and she ever reads this, I’d like to say that, that is not true. I have come to forgive you, through deep contemplation, and reflection. I know you’re probably thinking “forgive me for what?” if you’re reading this, because to you it was probably the right thing to do at the time…and I guess it was, but I forgive you, on the inside, from all the hurt you caused me. So I would just like to apologize about saying all those mean things, in my blind fury and hurt. I think, despite all the hurt you’ve caused me, you were a wonderful person in many ways during the time we knew each other, and I was honored to have spent time with you in such ways. You taught me to love myself from this situation, and I would gladly like to have a slice of pizza with you. Just give me a call.

I know to some, it may seem like I’m chickening out, or being a bitch here. But I’m just doing the grown up thing. I realized I was being immature about this, and I guess nobody could have expected anything greater from me since after all, no matter how mature I am, I still am a hormone fueled teenager. I guess I just realized that it’s foolish to place such anger towards my ex, and to create a wall between us. I also realize that she may have become quite angered with me too in the presence of my comments on here, if she’s read any of them, and I would understand if she didn’t want to see ME ever again, because quite frankly, I wouldn’t want to myself.

In conclusion, I would just like to say that, whatever your decision is Beatrice, if you’re out there reading this…I forgive you. And I thank you for giving me a measure of self esteem from such a hurtful event. And I would love to see your smile again (in however many years you want, I’m patient.) If you would honor me in doing as such, of course.

Time to move on!

Well it seems I’ve somewhat, if not completely, recovered from the whole crisis I’ve had for a few days now. I turned something that I thought was bad, into an opportunity. I’ve decided that right about now, it’d be a good time to at least start figuring out my options. I always have trusty Espinthebottle at my side, however, it’s tricky to use successfully. But I’m approaching things with a new attitude now. I really don’t care if things work out, or don’t in terms of dating. I’m just going in hopeful, but not expecting much. However, I’m much more willing to wait now. Wait until an age when the timing is right to strike. Although this may not be so long from now, it’s still going to feel quite long. Mostly because now I have nothing to do on the weekends, and my weeks are crawling like a bitch.

But anyway, I’m willing to be patient. Very patient. As patient as I need to be to find my true love. If I get some dates along the way, that’d be great. And I’m certain I will (with who, I don’t know.) But, if anything, I know I’ll truly be happy if I’m patient enough to find that special someone in a few years. And hopefully it’ll work out the way I intend. Although nothing seems to work out in my life. For example, I get dumped for having low self esteem and being a burden, at a time when I was just starting to love myself and try not to worry too much. I understand it’s difficult to be patient, but come on…that was some bad timing, and quite unfortunate for me. In any case, there was nothing I could do to stop this whole thing, and I guess I just have to make the best of the situation, and use what I was just beginning to learn in my favor. I’m special, I’m unique, and I’m on the market. So many possibilities when you love yourself, huh?

I guess this was all for the better actually. When I walk down the hallways, and streets, I no longer hang my head in worry over my ex, I walk tall, I look straight up, and it’s no facade. Not a facade like the posture I held while with my ex. Not a facade of false security. Now, it’s genuine. I have learned to love myself, and I’ll be damned if I’d ever say another bad thing about myself again, because there’s worse things in life. I’ll be damned if I ever look down while walking, or slouch. I’ll be damned if I ever worry about another friggin’ thing in my life. I’m walking tall, walking proud, walking with a determined heart, and ready to face up to any challenge.